Key Without A Lock To Fill..
by CrimsonCat
Summary: Post-Gift, because I never got to write one! :S. Dawn's writting to Buffy. R&R plz. Its actually not bad. Promise.


I never got to write a Post-Gift fic, and I was feeling left out. lol.  
So, here mine is.  
Granted, it is a few months late.. but still.  
I never got to write one! ;)  
hope you like. Review it and let me know what you think.  
~CrimsonCat~  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~  
  
Buffy,  
I lay awake in bed at night, when the tears won't come anymore, staring  
at the ceiling. Wishing with every fiber in my body that I could turn  
back time.  
Back to dawn of that morning, so I could jump instead of you.  
You told me.. you said that it was the work that you had to do.  
But you were wrong Buffy.  
It wasn't your job but mine.  
I am the key and it was the hole I was meant to fill.  
  
So, I lay awake at night, wishing I could go back to that morning.  
Before the sun claimed the day and you leapt in my place.  
  
I'm the key Buffy.  
I tried to explain it to you, but you wouldn't let me.  
And now, I'm nothing.  
A key without a lock.  
No purpose, no tasks to complete..  
Just.. nothing.  
  
You should have let me jump.  
They needed you here.. need you here..  
The monsters are staying away for now, but its only a matter of time  
until some big bad rises up again.  
I mean, it is the hellmouth, right?  
You should have stayed behind and let me jump like I was supposed to.  
Because they need you Buffy.  
You do so much for them, and me.. I'm nothing.  
How can I possibly protect them like you did?  
  
..Do you think key's can have destinies?  
Do you think that if I wish hard enough, someone might let me turn  
back time so I could do what I was made to do?  
  
I'm nothing anymore Buffy.  
A key without a keyhole.  
Nothing but alien-green energy rattling my pretend bones.  
I'm not real. Not good for anything..  
  
Sometimes, I hold my hand outstretched above my head and study my  
fingers. Five on each hand, just like every other human.  
But I'm not human.  
  
Once, I stared at my hand for so long that I swear I could see through  
the skin.  
And do you know what I saw Buffy?  
I didn't see bones, or blood, or muscle..  
I saw green swirls of light, the void of space, and the essence of your  
death.  
  
I read somewhere that when people kill other people, their souls are  
stained with the essence of that person's death.  
That way, when your soul tries to get into heaven, they can see how  
many people you've killed and send you to hell instead.  
  
So, it only makes sense that I would see your 'essence', or whatever.  
Because, I killed you, didn't I, Buffy?  
Yeah, I know I did.  
It's my fault your gone, and I hate it.  
So if key's have souls.. If I have a soul.. your stained there.  
And its slightly comforting to know that you'll be with me forever.  
  
I wonder if your in heaven.  
After all that you did, and all that you sacrificed, and all that you  
had to go though, you deserve to be in heaven.  
I know I won't get into heaven, because heaven wasn't meant for  
worthless little key's.  
But I like to think that you're there.  
  
You told me.. you told me that living was hard. The hardest thing.  
And, as usual, you were right.  
It is hard. Too hard.  
And I tried, but I can't face this stupid world without you anymore  
Buffy. I'm so sorry, but I can't.  
  
I'm scared though.  
Because I don't know what will happen to me when I die.  
Maybe, I'll just stop existing.  
Leaving only a empty shell.. like you did.  
  
Anyway, its too late now.  
I already swallowed the pills.  
They went down easily, like melted ice cream.  
And already, I can feel them spreading through me like water.  
I'm sorry that I couldn't live for you Buffy, and I'm sorry that I  
couldn't take care of the others for you.  
I'm sorry that you had to die for me, and that those stupid monks ever  
made me.  
They should have let someone destroy me.  
  
I think the pills are starting to kick in.  
The world.. everything is getting fuzzy.. and my arm is getting heavy.  
I'll be gone soon.  
  
I didn't cut myself.  
I was careful, I made sure that there wasn't any blood.  
I didn't want to risk it.  
  
See Buffy? I can be responsible.  
I told you.  
  
And I know I won't get to heaven.  
But maybe they'll let me see you for just a second before sending me  
to hell.  
Because I need you to know how sorry I am Buffy.  
And I need you to know that I would have jumped in your place.  
I should have.  
I love you Buffy.. and.. I'm so sorry.. 


End file.
